From where I stand...

From where I stand, I can't see very far. I want to, but I can't. I want to see what God sees. I want to see how He sees. Not to be "like God." Only to gain mercy & compassion for souls. 

I want the heart for God that I see in my girls. That relentlessness. The ground-breaking faith. Mountain-moving.  The trust in God that only comes by waiting. And obeying.

As I was praying this morning, I recalled these words I wrote last year for a friend. Today I need it. Maybe you do, too. 

Only a Seed

©2009 Gloria Smith/Eva Wilson

v1
Rising out of the hardened ground

With no parade, without a sound

Only a seed, but it will grow

Waiting for the end of the night

Longing for the morning light

A tender seedling, but, oh so strong

chorus
It already moves a mountain
Can already change the world
In the corner of the garden
Planted by the Lord
Only a seed today
Only a seed that's all it takes
Only a seed
Of faith

v2

Pushing doubt and all fear away

Where once the smallest seed was placed

Now stands a tree, the tallest tree

Offering shelter from the sun

Safe in the shade are all who come

Come if you're weary, oh, bring your seed

chorus
It already moves a mountain
Can already change the world
In the corner of the garden
Planted by the Lord
Only a seed today
Only a seed that's all it takes
Only a seed
Of faith 

From where I stand, it's pretty dark sometimes. But only because I'm in His shadow. And in the shadow of others who have lived a life of abandon. 

I pray you can find rest in Him today.  Come if you're weary, oh, bring your seed. 

Brave Heart (for Liz)

Brave Heart

©2008 Eva Wilson

v1

The gift God gave me years ago is walking away

A strong arrow of my quiver is flying today

Spreading your wings ~ feeling the breeze beneath you

Knowing the Almighty One will carry you through

chorus

Brave heart, following God’s call

Whole heart, offering your all

Kind heart, eyes of mercy, go and share your smile

Brave heart, brave heart, I’ll see you in a while

V2

A tiny seed God planted is deep in my heart

A faith in Him to watch over you, wherever you are

Getting on my knees ~ down there I’m never alone

Knowing the Almighty One will help me to become

Chorus 2

A Brave heart, following God’s call

A Whole heart, offering my all

Your kind heart, eyes of mercy, I can almost see your smile

Brave heart, brave heart, I’ll see you in a while

Brave Heart

So this is how it feels...

So this is what it feels like when your daughter marries &
moves away. You have to love the son-in-law in new ways. Those
"no-matter-what's" become such a clear reality. Not that I'm God's
mother-in-law, but, um, yeah, I'm nagging Him like I am!!!

I love God in a new way. Fresh encounters. Aware & alert.

My old, stale, tired, used faith is renewed in God's great faithfulness. Mercy!!!

a day in the life

It was on a Tuesday.

6am Wake up 3 teens.
6:01 Wake up 3 teens.
6:02 Wake up 3 teens.

Each time I walk into their rooms, I pass 3 trunks, 3 suitcases, and a very special backpack. As if I need a reminder that Liz is leaving Monday, to work in Southeast Asia for 2 years. I wish we had more time together. Then there's Ruth. In 3 months, she will trek out on the World Race. Serving in 11 countries in 11 months. She jokes that someday she'll adopt 11 children. Or maybe she's not joking.

Soon I hear in one ear: "Mom, can you pick me up early?"

And in the other: "Mom, can you pick me up late?"

At 7am, I received a text from a 12 yr old that started out, "I have a friend who needs a place to stay, and you came to mind..." Lord, I haven't even had coffee yet! It ended up being a text about inviting Jesus into our lives. :) Who needs coffee, when you have friends. And family!!!

I got all the kids delivered, then I started on my bookkeeping job (work from home, hired twice this year...don't ask me for a job, y'all :) But as I started printing out the bank statements, I discovered that the new printer was malfunctioning. Our last printer went out, under warranty, and it sounded like a jack hammer was trapped inside of it, trying to get out. Maybe I'll get to talk to the nice gentleman who helped me before. Chances. Are. Not. Not. A. Chance.

I worked on the cash receipts, hoping the printer would repair itself. Then Barry called & asked if I had time for lunch. We went to Fuddruckers. I think I ate. I think it was really delicious. I hardly remember. But I remember the phone calls.

I saw a call coming in on my cell, and answered, only because it was a 641 number. That normally means the nurse is calling. Or one of the kids left their lunch or athletic uniform at home. But this time, it was one of the kids, telling me they got caught texting in class. And he had to put the teacher on the phone. Joy. Joy. At least she has a teen, and knows how I feel. Not that my feelings are all that important. It's not like that. Child will pay the fee to get the phone released. I'm fining Child, too, for the hassle of going to the principal's office. I have my standards!!

Next, a friend called, screaming "There's a bird in my house!" She obviously just wanted to share the moment with me. She didn't appreciate my advice that if she left the doors & windows open, something that likes to eat birds would soon find its way into her house, and the problem would be solved. I thought that's what my Moma would tell her. I even offered to give her Moma's phone number. Oh, well. I tried!

When I got home from lunch, it was back to the books. Still, the printer didn't work. I troubleshooted online. Then the internet went out. So I worked on the cash receipts. Ha. Soon it was time to pick up the kids.

I then received a call from my friend who also has 9 kids. It's been too long since we've seen each other, or even talked! We played phone tag until one of the kids came in, throwing up.

In one ear, I heard "Mom, I'm going to throw up."

In the other, I heard "Mom, why is the internet running so slow?"

I left, to pick up kids from the 3 schools.

I heard the sick child singing in the shower, and knew he was ok :)

Dinner. Um, can we just fend for ourselves tonight?

A little while later, it was "Mom, how do you spell sopapilla?" (that's the nickname for one of our cars!!)

"Mom, I need to go to the store. I have my list from my teacher."

And the list goes on.

I frequently get phone calls asking "Mom, where are you?"

I'm not sure where I am. But I'm smiling.

free parental advice...more to come

I don't like being the grown-up. It's not in my personality. But at some point in parenting, I had to become the grown-up. It's nothing new. My parents grew up. And their parents. And theirs. And the list goes on. Now it's our turn, right?

As much as you hate to hear it, the challenges of parenting have changed since you became a parent. And chances are, your child is more technologically savvy than you. This is when you have to rely on your gut feelings. And listen to those who are walking a step or two ahead of you. I'm trying to learn & grow from others, and in turn, I'd like to pass on some counsel I've heard from other parents, and a few things I had to learn the hard way. Still learning!

Here's a list (an incomplete list) of things you may or may not have thought of:

1. Begin your parenting early in your child's life :)
2. Remember you are not alone. There's nothing you face that surprises God, and He is by your side, to wipe that stupefied look at your face. Time and again!
3. Children may cry out for boundaries.
4. Children may ignore boundaries.
5. Children may cry out for mercy.
6. Children may ignore mercy.
7. Boundaries change, depending on the age of the child. A preschooler can not go near the road. An elementary-aged child might be allowed in the road. Then you're back to square one with your teens as you confiscate the keys to the car. Do not go near the road. :)
8. Parenting requires courage. That's not something you can buy at the store. It's available in two places. Only two places. In the Word of God, and on your knees before the Lord.
9. You need wisdom. Not "as seen on TV" wisdom. Available only where courage is found. See #8 for locations near you.
10. If your child has a cell phone, ck the call & text records. You might find out why your child sleeps all day.
11. With your child, establish a cut-off time for social networking, gaming, TV, movies, etc. And unplug. That means the internet modem, TV cable boxes, cordless house phones, anything that a child can connect to instead of sleeping. (Reserve the right to take away all of the above if you have to leave during the day. It's your responsibility to protect your child on the internet and phone, the best you can.)
12. Hide all those things you just unplugged. Take a key and lock it up if you have to, so you can sleep!
13. If a laptop is accessible in your home, remember that your kid might be capable of finding a neighbor's internet network. So, taking the modem might not be enough.
14. Your child is capable of lying. That means he/she may say something that's not true. Or might leave out details that are actually important.
15. You are capable of believing lies. That means you accept that sweet, innocent look on a face...while it's trying to cover a guilty heart.
16. If you think you hear something, you probably do.
17. If you think you know something, you probably do.
18. If you think you smell something, you probably do.
19. If you think you saw something, you probably did.
20. If you think you felt something, guess what, you probably did. It was your child, growing up.

Are you going to grow up with him or her? It's your choice.

i've been....

"I've been lied on, cheated
Talked about, mistreated
I've been used, scorned
Talked about sore as bone
I've been up, down
Almost to the ground"

And that was before I even got all the kids in the car for school!!!!

"But long as I got king Jesus
Long as got King Jesus
Long long long as i got King Jesus 
I don't need nobody else"*

and now, off to the rest of my day....

*Lyric from a Vicki Winans' song "Long As I've Got King Jesus"

lyrically speaking....

we all agree that the music is extremely critical in a song, but let's talk about the importance of words...the lyric...sometimes when I'm writing, it just won't fly...I have to read down the lyric, as if it was a story...then if I'm singing, and start to say something that doesn't connect, like YOU really don't know the significance of, I try change it...like modernizing a hymn..apply it...make it more personal

ps - my oh-so-wise friend, Sue C Smith recently said you shouldn't use a word in a song that you haven't used in the last 2 years...that very same day, my mom said bosom, and my son said hoodlum...so, I'd like to add to Sue's counsel:

just because you've used a word in the last 2 years doesn't give you permission to use it in a song!

hey, I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed that bosom and hoodlum are a near rhyme?

it's been a day, well, almost!

I've almost blogged for 7 months straight.

Sometimes I sat down to blog, and got too deep, too fast. Felt like a sermon instead of just talking. Soapboxing. Other times, I tried, and just couldn't get my thoughts together. But I'm going to try to get back into it, slowly, but surely.

It's been a day. I couldn't think straight when I first woke up. Couldn't remember what day it was, or even what city I lived in. Ever have that feeling? I'd been up in the night with Stephen (I'll spare you the details of our latest stomach virus), and just couldn't get my thoughts together.

*I almost forgot to wake up David. Or re-wake him up. Exactly how many times should you have to go back in a teen's room, to be sure he's up? Well, he & Michael made it out the door on time. Well, almost...not as late as we normally consider late.

*Then at breakfast, I almost made paprika toast instead of cinnamon toast! Why do they both have red lids, anyway? Makes no sense to me!

*I also almost lost it when an unnamed Wilson said "Make my breakfast, Stupid!" ~ to me. The person said it to ME! Three or four lectures later, as I was dropping off kids at school, I almost turned the wrong way, not knowing which rat race I was supposed to be in. The kids laughed at me. I guess I laughed, too.

*Later, I almost forgot to call the school to let them know Stephen was sick. Oops, I never got through to the voicemail. Guess I'll send a note tomorrow. That'll have to do!

*And today was our ladies' Bible study brunch, a share time for the Revelation study. I almost made myself go, although I was dragging. It's the right thing to do, right? Keep commitments, I told myself. And I'd planned to take Chicken Picante. But then I realized there was fever with my sinus headache (it's better tonight, Mom), and made the call to my leader...I was also going to sing a song I wrote, but obviously God had other plans. So Stephen and I took it easy.

*This afternoon, a Write About Jesus friend, Cory Edwards, met me on Skype to write a song...we almost finished it...not bad for our first co-write! And it's a great song! We started another one, too.

*It was almost 3pm when I realized I never had my coffee.



Tonight was laundry & dishes...and of course, I almost finished them.

As I started looking at the day, at all the things I almost did, projects unfinished, etc, I felt a bit defeated. That's when that gentle, quiet voice whispered GOOD into my ear. I did spent time in God's Word. And in prayer. I did share my faith in Christ with someone. I did have a long conversation with a friend about loss. And I did feed my family, something. Can't remember what it was! And I was able to do some bookkeeping and housework, answer some emails, and no telling what else!

And the Voice brought two Scriptures to mind:

Exodus 17:4
Then Moses cried out to the LORD, "What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me."

I know the feeling, Moses...I know the feeling!!!

Luke 24:28-30
As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus acted as if he were going farther. But they urged him strongly, "Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over." So he went in to stay with them.

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them.

That's how I feel about this day, Lord...stay with us...it's almost over...